I haven’t posted in a while I know. My past had hidden behind my subconscious. It doesn’t want to come out and be poked when my present conscious is too busy. When things get busy, get complicated my feet walk one step at a time. Trying to smile and get from one moment to the next is all. Then all of a sudden at work last night a funny memory hit me. Not from my childhood necessarily but it stems from it.
One of my favorite desserts that mom would make was blueberry tofu cheesecake.
Yes, tofu cheesecake in the same sentence! I would ask for it for every birthday. Once I left home I only spent one birthday with my mother. But that’s a negative weird story for another time. I never did much cooking on my own and certainly never attempted tofu cheesecake unless it turned out so horrible I blocked it from my memory! Which I have a niggling thought at the side of my mind… a little a tiny live photo saying I did and botched it something awful!
At any rate in my late teens, I had a friend my age from a nice blue-collar family who loved to spend time with me. How we even met is beyond me as she was a high school student and I was done repeatedly trying to attend school and live on my own. She was given a nice reliable almost new Subaru for her graduating year. One time we drove to the nearby town that was big enough to have mainstream restaurants. We went to the Cheesecake Factory. It was a splurge trip for us to have a nice treat. She knew how I loved cheesecake and missed what my mom used to make.
There were so many choices it was overwhelming. I finally choose the mixed berry. I waited with barely contained excitement. My mouth was watering in anticipation of the delicious treat soon to arrive. It had been years since I had had cheesecake.
What arrived was slightly concerning to me. A wedge of white and berry colored marble with a thin graham crust sat upon my plate. I gingerly took a small bite and was shocked at the unfamiliar flavors in my mouth. This wasn’t cheesecake. I didn’t know what this was but I knew for a fact it wasn’t cheesecake. I waved the waiter over and shared my confused disappointment as I had wanted the berry cheesecake. He assured me my plate held such item but I couldn’t wouldn’t believe this. I was led over to the large cheesecake display to search for what I had been looking for. Nowhere did I see mothers cheesecake. The thickened blueberries atop a creamy white spread over the granola crust.
The disappointment was bitter in my mouth. I didn’t understand. What was the item I had been served made of? Why it was cream cheese with berry syrup laced thru atop a graham crust. Cream cheese in a dessert? Wasn’t cream cheese for bagels? I had had them for the first time when living in Quebec. Apparently, it was also creamed with sugar for cheesecake. That poor waiter must have had a hard time not laughing at my shocked dismay. I never tried cheesecake again for years. My childhood treat destroyed forever as now neither tasted good.
Maybe if I had known it wasn’t made with tofu but instead cream cheese. Maybe if I hadn’t been 17. Maybe if I hadn’t been stoned. I just might have been willing to have an open mind when tasting it. For almost anything, I ate in the world was different. It was nothing like I had had before. I knew that, expected that. But that time because I had an expectation of what I was getting I was disappointed. It took me a few lessons in expectations before I realized it is better to go in with an open mind. Be ready and excited for what may come. When you’re not expecting creamy white filling with thickened berries on top the swirled berries and cream can be delicious.